Our minds are likened to many things. A sponge, funnel, network, cup, etc to name just a few. With either analogy we see a correlation between how much we sense and how much is processed. After all, that thing only holds so much. For simplicity’s sake lets take one analogy and match it to one area of the brain; hearing.
All around us are sounds waiting to be received, translated, and made into another wrinkle in that noodly brain of ours. Nonetheless, we run into that limited space problem. We hear many things, but actually listen to few. We’ve all heard how there is a difference between the two. I simply desire to expand on that idea and give reason as to why and how it may benefit us all.
Hearing involves simple awareness of the various pitches and dynamics surrounding us. Listening is the active engagement of such and making it into an understandable thing or idea. The active part means we choose to do so. We can build this further but im sure the gist of it is well had. The sad part is that most understand the definition while missing the application.
Too many times we hear the background noise that is our partner, family member, friend go on and on only to choose what we want to hear all the while making some premeditated response. By doing so however, so much is lost. My sales experience is minimal but i have been around long enough to watch this dilemma play out in a presentation. The salesperson listens to their first objection mentioned by a buyer and in turn spitfires all they know to counter. In the end the salesperson loses the sale and sits dumbfounded. All because they dont listen completely.
Listening alternatively is not just processing words. It is taking note of inflection, tone, body language, situation, etc. The best of the best are aware of all these factors and look for cues on how to proceed. Providing a list of such would be both cumbersome and utterly wrong as each factor plays at varying degrees. What can be offered are a few scenarios to learn from.
A common miscommunication between partners is how one feels about a subject but is unwilling to directly portray those feelings into words. We often hear our partner tell us something is fine to do while missing the inflection of sadness, sarcasm, anger, or anxiety. Instead the “yes” turns into a green light. we have fun, go home, and wonder why the next day is argument ridden.
Much goes the same way for business. When in negotiation by simply taking all in the situation we can tell how much or little a client will give. If said a figure is too high while relaxed yet direct portrays one getting close to the maximum they will dish out. stern, direct, and a bit of anger might signify stepping overbounds. Either situation has other facets coming into play as well. Setting, number of people, etc all fit into the equation.
Above all to consider however is that in order to gain the upper hand in any situation is to keep the other talking. Not prodding, Talking. The more information you have, the greater the power. Questions are also they key here. The right ones unlock more talking and thusly more information. Asking do you like the service gives a yes or no. how do we expand that? What aspects of the service did you like or dislike? If we could improve our service, what would you suggest? Open ended is the right path.
Remember, this goes for any situation. Watch how much a relationship can improve, business or otherwise, by just asking and actually listening.
